This is my third article in what I am calling “Language is Power” series. Here is the link to one and two. While recommended, you do not need to read these first to get into this article.
Phrases used over and over condition ourselves and those around us, on our teams, who we lead, family, etc. Phrases of interest to me are those that we use when under distress or hardship. Trying to find the rationale for someone else’s behavior. Trying to find the meaning behind a life event, traumatic and sharp or chronic and mundane. These phrases are used to soothe and placate ourselves, or those around us. While there is nothing inherently wrong with these phrases, their prevalence, I have felt spread like slow sad algae across what was a glistening lake. The mundane covering the passion and vigor that shown the person before. But…It is what it is. I will be writing the phrase like this the whole time, in the color of diarrhea that it deserves.
This seems to be an inescapable phrase in the last two years. Feelings of fatigue and chronic distress. This bitter acceptance that there are so many things outside of our control and feel like they are spiraling down and out of control. It is what it is. When did this become the phrase in vogue? It is one that I wrestled with since initially hearing it around ten years ago. It feels as though I encountered it once working as a grad assistant with full-time staff. I cannot recall hearing before then. Please let me know when you first heard this phrase. I would love to know.
What is it about this phrase that makes it so ubiquitous? Out of breadsticks at a restaurant. It is what it is. Boss chastised you at work. It is what it is. Flat tire. It is what it is. Ripped favorite pair of jeans. It is what it is. Your car was broken into. It is what it is. Significant other mad at you. It is what it is. Parking ticket. It is what it is. No raise for inflation this year. It is what it is. Broke your leg. It is what it is. It seems to fill all scenarios. It appears to be used to explain disagreement. To explain something outside of control. Ultimately to accept circumstances. Agreeing that language holds immense power in how we view and hold ourselves and others, this phrase needs to go.
Learned helplessness in psychology (1) tells us that when an organism is repeatedly subjected to distress and cannot escape, it will eventually not try to even escape from the distress even if the opportunity presents itself. Coping mechanisms become so ingrained that many chances and opportunities to change the scenario or avoid the distress are discounted or disregarded. Connecting that language has power and repetitive use of a phrase can shape your view of self and your view of the world. Accepting that “It is what it is” disempowers you and others.
“By saying, “It is what it is,” you are ridding yourself of all personal accountability. Some people claim that everything will unfold the way it is meant to or in the way the universe wants it to. As comforting as this may be, it is also a complete dissolution. It’s a cleverly disguised way of saying that you no longer want to take responsibility for what will happen and what you’ve already done.” (2)
Upgrading your language and phrases will upgrade your life. You deserve higher quality and can challenge yourself to want more. You are worth it. Framing your language around how you want to live your life will change everything. Changing your phrasing to guide your life in the direction you want is the goal. What that goal is, that is for another article.
Until next time. -D
References
Cherry, K. (2021, April 5). What causes learned helplessness? Verywell Mind. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-learned-helplessness-2795326
Maness, T. (2019, September 24). Why "it is what it is" is a toxic saying. Niner Times. Retrieved February 5, 2022, from https://www.ninertimes.com/opinion/why-it-is-what-it-is-is-a-toxic-saying/article_4de0b1cc-f00e-5124-8d6f-967fa7992f3a.html
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