When was the last time you did something for yourself? Often times deciding what that item is to do for yourself can be quite an issue in general. As I approached in my previous article linked above, figuring out what you would do for yourself is often answered in a deflective way. This is a question that many people inherently struggle with. Regardless of age, sex, socioeconomic, or demographic; people super struggle with this simple question.
My current hypothesis for this is two-fold:
1. People want to answer this question correctly. Judgment for how they use their free time is real.
2. People legitimately do not know what makes them happy.
Happiness is a challenging thing to define when viewed as a quantifiable item. Happiness is more akin to art; unique to each person in how it is appreciated. We need to break down happiness into happiness and meaningfulness to differentiate our approach. In the Journal of Positive Psychology, Baumeister et al. (2012) found that:
Our findings suggest that happiness is mainly about getting what one wants and needs, including from other people or even just by using money. In contrast, meaningfulness was linked to doing things that express and reflect the self, and in particular to doing positive things for others. Meaningful involvements increase one’s stress, worries, arguments, and anxiety, which reduce happiness. (Spending money to get things went with happiness, but managing money was linked to meaningfulness.) Happiness went with being a taker more than a giver, while meaningfulness was associated with being a giver more than a taker. Whereas happiness was focused on feeling good in the present, meaningfulness integrated past, present, and future, and it sometimes meant feeling bad. Past misfortunes reduce present happiness, but they are linked to higher meaningfulness — perhaps because people cope with them by finding meaning. (p.14)
Using the definition above and the study used above we can show that definitions of happiness, something for yourself, and meaningfulness become muddy waters. People can interpret the question as something relaxing in a pure gratification state. In my own empirical evidence, I have seen that people interpret the question as this:
When was the last time you did something for yourself? = When was the last time I did something gratifying that is relaxing?
Getting back to asking the question, there are only two rules when I ask people this. Taking a nap or eating is not allowed as an answer, because those are required to be alive. You would be very surprised at how often people give taking a nap or having a baked good as an answer. Nothing is inherently wrong with doing those. I just ate a pumpkin scone (fall gang) while writing this. I am talking about having dedicated time to focus on taking care of yourself. This time for yourself is more of a vitamin. It is preemptive and preventative. This is about taking yourself to the next level. What are you doing to actively rest and recover? Do you have your “you” time scheduled? Are you doing it every day? Do you know what makes you happy?
This is a long-term process. The journey is the destination. I am leaving you with more questions than answers in this writing. Please give me the privilege to serve you as your performance coach. We dive deep into these questions to help you uncover the answers for yourself. I am here to serve you. Schedule your first coach session with me here. https://bit.ly/3piSvY5
-Dustin
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