This is part two in an ongoing article series. Part one is here.
After diagnosing and triaging the problem of your schedule and how you manage your time we then can start to look more long-term for what success you really want in your life. In a future article, we cover the important step of success vs happiness. What makes you happy is individual to every person. As Tony Robbins will say, happiness is like art, it is individual to every person; success is a science, there is a recipe. What is your recipe and how do we get there? What are your priorities?
When first working with a client I will ask what are their priorities? This is often such a daunting question. This frankly worries me as a person that this is that we rarely asked this. Often times the words goals, aspirations, passion, and enjoyment, are interchanged in this question. These are not the same question. Language has power as I have covered here. What are your priorities? This is infinitely more powerful. Understanding our own lexicon elevates what you are focusing on to a higher level of importance. An exercise I often do follows with a client the following:
Me: What is a priority of yours?
Client: I don't know! (Explains many valid, but short-term stresses and influences from family or how they were raised and how these are fixed points.)
Me: Okay. That is understandable and sounds like a lot. Do you want to see yourself in better or worse health than you are now?
Client: Better! Why would anyone say they want to be in worse health?!
Me: So it is a priority?
Client: I guess. I don't know.
Me: Use the phrase “_____ is not a priority for me” in exchange for other reasons why you have put off things that are important to you creates discomfort. Making the decision of your priorities into a yes or no question makes it plainly obvious and creates an anchor for us to be able to create progress around it. If we wait for inspiration or the mood, it will come once in a while. If we make it a priority then we create the mood around what we want. Not the other way around. I want you to tell me out loud that your health is not your priority.
Client: My health is not my priority. Ugh. I do not like that! My health is a priority of mine!
In the example conversation with a client above, saying my health is not a priority out loud creates discomfort to show you how you have placed this item low on the list of your priorities. Your words are important, but your actions paint a different picture of what is a priority to you. Some of the loudest critics are usually the biggest hypocrites. People that complain about Jeff Bezos's wealth are some of the most frequent users of the Amazon line of products. Yelling “buy American” while buying fast fashion and cars that are primarily made in another country is incongruent. These incongruities will stack your deck in the wrong direction.
What are your priorities then? Say them out loud. Right now. Talking out loud, not just in your head. Doing this in the mirror to literally confront yourself will have the highest impact. What things or people, if taken away tomorrow would shake you to your core? Your ability to walk, your child, singing, feeling the sun on your skin, your spouse, access to clean water, what for you are your non-negotiables? If you cannot tell me within 15 seconds of asking you, you do not have them. I guarantee if I asked you your favorite ice cream flavor or sports team you would have no issue. This is more important to who you are and is vital to who you are.
What are your non-negotiables?
Asking and analyzing your priorities needs to be performed regularly. They change, just like you do, in the stages of your life. At this point in the article, people are annoyed and want to know my answers.
My health physically, mentally, and emotionally.
My relationships personally, romanticly, and familial.
When I look these over I am honest. Giving credit where it is due and not just thinking I am doing great and do not need to grow. It would be easy to add in things I am contributing to at work or in my writing, but if I am honest in what I am prioritizing it is the list above.
What are your priorities? Can you state them in 15 seconds or less? Are you honest with yourself? What are you not prioritizing that you wish you were? Use the phrase “_____ is not a priority for me” to figure out instantly what you have been ignoring if are truly honest with yourself.
Until next time. -D
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